This Week on WomanTalk Live – 01/28/12 – “When Your Loved One is in a Nursing Home” with Chloe Jon Paul

Chloe Jon Paul

In late 1999, my mom became a resident in an assisted living facility.  It was time.  My father had passed away in 1995 and soon after, my mom started demonstrating signs of early dementia.  By the time she entered the facility, she was forgetting to take her medicine or mixing it up, forgetting to buy groceries, forgetting to eat and not leaving the house for much of anything.

Almost two years ago, another change was called for and my mom entered a nursing home facility  – probably one of the toughest calls a child has to make for her parent(s).  A nursing home is a totally different arrangement than assisted living.  And to tell you the truth, I’m not sure I’ve gotten used to it yet.  The whole concept brings up much sadness, guilt, avoidance – you name it.  And, yet, my sister and I are so very grateful for the incredibly caring staff at our mom’s new “home”.

I know my sister and I are not alone in this situation.  Chances are, you may find yourself exactly in the same spot.  And, if you aren’t now, chances are, you could be in the future.

Joining me on the show this week is Chloe Jon Paul, a retired educator, author, speaker, facilitator and volunteer.  She’s the author of What Happens Next? A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits. 

Chloe wrote her book as a result of all she observed when her own mother was a nursing home resident.  She found there wasn’t a whole lot written specifically for families on how to deal with all of the complex emotions that come up or how to make nursing home visits to your loved one more meaningful.

Be sure to join us this week if you currently have a loved one in a nursing home or know you’ll be facing that in the future.  You’ll be glad you did.

Saturday, January 28th, from 6:07-7:00 pm ET on Talkradio 680 WCBM Baltimore or “Listen Live” online 

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Ann and Tori Maith

And, be sure to check out last week’s show when my fabulous producer, Tori Maith, ended up being my conversational guest when my scheduled guest didn’t show!  Yikes!  But, we had a grand conversation about the big fat lies women tell themselves.

If you missed my conversation with Tori or you want to share it with a friend, listen here.

On My Mind: Dream Big

Doing a little research recently, I was thumbing through A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960′s by Stephanie Coontz, the Director of Research and Public Education at the Council on Contemporary Families, and a professor of history and family studies at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, WA.  She’s written several books about marriage and family issues and her articles and interviews have been published in the New York Times, Washington Post, Psychology Today, and many other national publications.

I’m a big fan of the television show, Mad Men.  And, yes, I am patiently waiting for the delayed new season debuting on March 25^th.  Yet, I know other women who find it extremely painful to watch because of its blatant sexism.  So, I was surprised to read one of Stephanie’s articles over a year ago in the Washington Post -  “Why ‘Mad Men’ is TV’s Most Feminist Show.”  As Stephanie says in the article, “Mad Men’s writers are not sexist. The time period was.”

I grew up in the 50′s and 60′s and was eleven years old when The Feminine Mystique was published.  Obviously, I didn’t read it then.  And, I never read it.  However, when I saw the review in the Wall Street Journal about A Strange Stirring, I knew I had to read the biography of Betty Freidan’s controversial bestseller that landed smack dab in the middle of a time when women who wanted more out of life than polishing the floor to a gleaming shine and making another casserole with Campbell’s soup, were called “crazy”.  And, what’s even better is that Stephanie interviews readers of the book at the time of its release to talk about the impact of the book on them and others, what Betty got right, and what Betty missed completely (like African American women).  If we weren’t there or we were too young to remember all of the details, she fills us in.

This morning, I came across this passage and felt for this woman, because I come across women who still feel this to a certain extent.  Her name is Sandie and in the 1950′s, she was a woman with a college degree, a husband and three kids she loved beyond measure.  At some point, she decided she wanted to do some work because she really needed to get out of the house – but she had no idea what she could do.  So, she went to the library and checked out a book on taking shorthand since she figured she could learn it and become a secretary.  It didn’t have anything to do with her degree, her interests, or what burning passion she might have or develop.  Sandy said, “…I couldn’t imagine doing anything bigger.  Women had jobs, not careers.  The job would give me something to do, but I didn’t dream higher.”

That era can seem like a million years ago.  But, it really hasn’t been that long.  And even though lots of doors have opened for women, there are more that need to be opened.  There are still women who feel like “something more” is too much to hope for and dreaming higher seems impossible.

What about you?  Are there some dreams that have felt impossible for you?

Take some time to dream.  Let yourself do this.  What stokes your fire?  What opens your heart?  What gets you going?  And, if you don’t know, start exploring and giving yourself the chance to find out.

Doubts and fears can always come up.  It’s what you do with them that makes a big difference.  Feel them, acknowledge them, and think of the possibilities – not the impossibilities.

Go ahead.  Start dreaming.  Big. BIGGER. BIGGEST.

Let another door open.

P.S.  I interviewed author Stephanie Coontz last April about A Strange Stirring.  Check out the podcast.