Ann Quasman's WomanTalkLive A more conscious conversation

WTL Wrap-Up: “What Can Men Do?”

Neil Irvin

As a sexual assault survivor and a board member for the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault, one of the things I have noticed over the years is that the overwhelming majority of people who work in the field of sexual assault prevention or in providing services for victims and survivors are women.  With the exception of law enforcement, I’ve wondered… where are the men? 

Well, one of the men who is doing something and enlisting other men to do the same was with me this past Saturday evening.   Neil Irvin, the Executive Director of Men Can Stop Rape, based in Washington, D.C. joined me to talk about the efforts being made by his organization to enlist boys and men to take an active stand against violence, especially violence against women.

When asked why all men should care about the issue of rape, Neil responded:

• Because men rape  – it’s a fact of life
• Because man are raped – as children and as adults
• Because rape confines men – women aren’t sure who to trust, who is safe and who could be a potential rapist
• Because men know survivors – the majority of men they talk with or who are in their audiences have been touched by rape in some way – a friend, a spouse, a sister, etc.
• And most importantly, because men can stop rape.

We also discussed the culture we live in and the messages it sends on what it means to “be a man” and how teaching healthy masculinity, using strength without violence, is a big part of the MCSR programs.

And, speaking of the culture and the messages that are sent and that we receive… we both found it interesting that one of the commercials during the break was for a product for a natural male enhancement pill that could have men performing the way women love.  And, just as I am writing this, an email came into my inbox and the subject line is: “Be the Pied Piper of Chicks.  Penis Growth free trial.”   We have a lot of work to do.

If you missed the show or want to share it with a friend, it will be posted in the podcast archive later on this week – around Wednesday afternoon or Thursday.  Listen in and be inspired about the work MCSR is doing.

This Week on WomanTalk Live: “What Can Men Do?” with Neil Irvin

Neil Irvin

The statistics are staggering:

• One in five women in America will be a victim of sexual assault
  The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, The CDC, 2010
• 1.3 women age 18+ in the U.S are forcibly raped each minute; 78 per hour; 1,871 per day, or 683,000 per year.
  National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” 2000
•  90% of all rape and sexual assault victims are female, and 95-97% of all offenders are male.
  U.S. Department of Justice, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2006
•  A minimum of 66% of all rapes and sexual assaults are committed by someone who is known to the victim. 27.4% of perpetrators were a spouse or someone well-known to the victim, and 26.6% were a casual acquaintance of the victim.
  U.S. Department of Justice, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2006

The topic of sexual assault is not cocktail party conversation for all sorts of reasons.  And, it’s not a conversation that is being held in many places.  It’s a crime that is cloaked in silence.

Men commit the great majority of all sexually violent crimes.  Even when it’s men being sexually victimized, other men are usually the predators. Yet, most men don’t commit rape or abuse others.  Why have those men been so silent on this issue? 

White Ribbon Campaign co-founder Michael Kaufman has said, “We stay home in droves on this issue.”  

Many men feel it’s time to change that.

My guest this week is one of those men.  Neil Irvin is the Executive Director of Men Can Stop Rape, the leading national organization mobilizing boys and men to prevent all forms of physical and sexual violence, especially against women.

Well known throughout the country in the field of gender-based violence prevention, Neil currently serves on the Dept. of Justice’s National Advisory Committee and is a member of the NoVo Foundation’s prestigious Move to End Violence initiative.

When asked, “What can men do?”   The answer from Neil is – “Men can stop rape.” 

It is his organization’s belief that “every time a man’s voice joins those of women in speaking out against rape, the world becomes safer for us all.”

Men Can Stop Rape has reached over 2 million boys and men in the past ten years with a message of “strength without violence.”  They believe that all men have the capacity and desire to play a positive role in creating communities free from violence.

Join us this week to find out more about their important work.  It affects each and every one of us.

Saturday, July 7th from 6:07-7:00 pm ET on Talkradio 680 WCBM Baltimore or “Listen Live” online 

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Tish Rabe, Patricia Ryan Lampl &
Ann Blumenthal Jacobs

Be sure to check out last week’s show when my guest co-host, Lori Hollander, and I talked with two of the co-authors of  LOVE FOR GROWN-UPS: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life.  Ann Blumenthal Jacobs and Patricia Ryan Lampl believe it’s never too late to fall in love and they shared tips on just how to navigate through grown-up love.

If you missed the show or you want to share it with a friend, check out the podcast archive later this week for the June 30^th show.

On My Mind: Making Summer Memories

When I look at this photo, it brings back some great summer memories.

There were plenty of hot days and little air conditioning. We were always looking for ways to cool off.

A few weeks ago, the subject of the “first day of summer” came up and someone brought up the idea of a swimming hole.

Memories just came flooding back to me of the times when my dad would take my sister and me to a creek in the woods near our house.  The creek had an area that was several feet deep with a long, swinging vine hanging over it.  And, we would spend the afternoon swinging on that vine and dropping into the cold water below until we were so tired we could hardly make it back to the car.  And, of course, we took a few breaks to catch some tadpoles and those little fresh water crawfish.  The perfect summer day.

The memories of the times we went out to the creek are with me like it was yesterday and I will always cherish them.  The amazing thing is…it didn’t cost a cent to create those memories, except for the gas to get out to the creek and the time my dad took to help create these memories for us.

Summer is definitely here and all sorts of memory-making time awaits you.  Be sure to create some wonderful ones that won’t be forgotten by you, your family and your loved ones.  It’ll be just the thing that is cherished and held in your heart.

WTL Wrap-Up – “Love for Grown-Ups: Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life”

Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Patricia Ryan Lampl &
Tish Rabe

Joining me and my guest co-host, Lori Hollander, who just happens to know a thing or two about relationships were two of the co-authors of  LOVE FOR GROWN-UPS: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life.

Just about every woman I know who is either single or didn’t get married until she was past 35 would relate to the information shared by Ann Blumenthal Jacobs and Patricia Ryan Lampl.

Once you have a “life”, having a relationship is different – much different -  than it is when you’re in your twenties.  You’re different.  You have a career, you have a set of friends, you have developed your own interests, and often, you’ve been married before and may even have children you’re raising as a single mom.

So, combine all of this with knowing that the very same thing could be going on with a prospective partner – and, navigating the grown-up relationship can be challenging.  Challenging, yes. But, so incredibly worth it if you take the time to get to know the potentials who come into your life.  You just never know.

Both Pat and Ann shared their own stories as well as some from countless women they’ve talked with about grown-up love and have come up with some really practical and smart advice – well worth paying attention to if you’re interested in a relationship.  And, it’s especially great advice if you don’t even know where to start.  Their book could be your best go-to reference guide.

If you missed the show or want to share it with a friend, it will be posted in the podcast archive later on this week – around Wednesday afternoon or Thursday.  Listen in and get ready for your new adventure.

This Week on WomanTalk Live: “Love for Grown-Ups – Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life” with Patricia Ryan Lampl and Ann Blumenthal Jacobs

Tish Rabe, Patricia Ryan Lampl & Ann Blumenthal Jacobs

Joining me and my guest co-host, Lori Hollander of Relationships Work, this week are Ann Blumenthal Jacobs and Patricia Ryan Lampl.  Those two, along with Tish Rabe are “The Garter Brides.”

Why do they call themselves The Garter Brides?  Because they all got married after the age of thirty-five, and each bride wore the same lucky garter at her wedding.

The Garter Brides are quickly becoming an international sisterhood as these original Garter Brides have loaned their lucky wedding garter to a network of women all over the world who have also found love later in life.

To write their book, LOVE FOR GROWN-UPS: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life, they interviewed dozens of women who shared their stories and tips on handling everything from meeting Mr. Right to knowing if it’s “for real,” meeting friends, families and kids, dealing with exes and moving in together.   As Ann says, “It’s about everything from furniture to finances.”

Is getting married in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s the same as getting married in your twenties? The Garter Brides will tell you the answer to that is “No!”   As Tish says, “When you move in together at twenty-one, your stuff fits in a Volkswagen Bug.   At forty-one, it’s a seven-passenger van.”

As a mature couple you have careers, mortgages, maybe kids, friends, and an established way of life.  Are you divorced or widowed and looking for a second chance at love?  Does your partner have children from a previous relationship?  This is all part of grown-up love. The Garter Brides are not therapists; they are real women who have been in the same exact situation as you.

The Garter Brides offer expert advice on how to combine two lives into one, including tips on connecting with your stepchildren, adoption, finances, where to relocate, creating holiday traditions, and planning your wedding.   They found love later in life, as did all of The Garter Brides they’ve come to know – some for the first time and some again.

Join us this week to hear more about how to navigate through grown-up love.  After all,  it’s never too late to fall in love.

Saturday, June 30th from 6:07-7:00 pm ET on Talkradio 680 WCBM Baltimore or “Listen Live” online 

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Ann and Joni Daniels

Be sure to check out last week’s show when I talked with Joni Daniels, management consultant, trainer, entrepreneur and author of Power Tools for Women: Plugging into the Essential Skills for Work and Life.  Find out how you can use these tools at home, at work or in the community to increase the likelihood of your success in the busy life you lead.

If you missed the show or you want to share it with a friend, listen here.