When I was little, I loved to draw and color. I always had a supply of paper, coloring books, and crayons around for spontaneous creating. I took a pastels class in the second grade with children who were a few years older than I, and yet, I won the blue ribbon for my still life drawing of a wine bottle, mixing bowl and saucer. I always made personal greeting cards for any occasion and when I look back over a box of them my mom saved, I am pretty much in awe of what I did.

What on earth happened to that child? What made her put down her pencils and sketchbooks and become one of those people who say, “Who, me? Nah… I’m not creative.” But, that’s exactly what I became.

Not making time for creating in college and not making time most of my adult life convinced me that I was no artist and didn’t have a creativity gene in my body. Yet, it did come out at certain times – when I was designing my flower gardens or making a Christmas wreath. And, when people would say how nice they looked, I would sort of brush it off thinking that anybody could do it and I just got lucky that it turned out alright.

The last several years I lived in Baltimore, I was fortunate enough to do lots of work with Susan Bishop of Unlocked Box. Susan became the creativity expert for my radio show because whether it’s in business or for fun or in artistic endeavors, Susan believes that the creativity spark is what makes a project shine and give us so much satisfaction.

It wasn’t until I moved to Vermont, however, when the busyness of my life was gone that I thought about trying to find that creative spark within myself. I started out by getting some adult coloring books and colored pencils. I left them out in a place I would see them, and encouraged myself to sit down and color – even if I only had five minutes.

What did I discover? Well… I found out I still loved to color just as I did when I was a child. And, even if the only really creative part was picking out my colors, the process of coloring became like a meditation for me. I can totally get lost in the coloring – not thinking about having to finish the picture or worried about what anyone would think. I just color.

That exercise led me to think about taking some classes. So, in the spring of 2015, I took my first pottery class – building with clay. That led to an eight-week class offered by Dartmouth where we traveled to a new place each week in the Upper Valley of Vermont to see art and meet the artists themselves. That led to some private trips to Mass MoCA, The Clark Museum, and Storm King. And finally, all of that led to a small clay class – building pottery with three other women – that started in October 2015 and continues presently. I spend about three to four hours each week in the studio of the most amazing, full of life woman I’ve met in a long time and she guides us in our creations – encouraging us to let what’s in us come to the surface. We all create differently and that’s what she wants to see us manifest.

I’ve gone from being a self-conscious, color within the lines type of creator to trusting what’s coming from me and going with it. It’s not dainty and pretty. It’s earthy and organic and abstract. I think I’ve found my style.

Besides all of the self-discovery that’s come about, having three of my hand created glazed clay bowls (see photos below) shown in a local gallery has been a thrill for me. Surrounded by “real” artists, I actually feel like I belong there, too, and am honored to be featured in the MUD show at Artistree Gallery for the month of April, celebrating the famous Vermont Mud Season – the time between winter and spring when there’s, well… mud!

I wonder what might have loosened up for me if I had allowed myself to do some creativity exploring earlier in my adult life? Would I have been more trusting of ideas that came up when I worked in corporate – more willing to try new things? Would I have been bolder? I think yes but refuse to mourn about what might have been.

What’s possible now? To keep on creating and letting new ideas bubble to the surface as I get inspired and learn new techniques. I have a vision for a larger outdoor piece that can become a permanent part of my garden. I’m excited.

And you? Are you one of those folks who can tap into your creativity at will – and, do so often? Or, are you like me – have you put it on a shelf or never allowed it out at all?

Why not give that spark a chance to ignite? You might be surprised at what comes up and out.

Check out:

What I’ve Learned About Creativity from Watching Project Runway
Susan Bishop, Unlocked Box

The Most Reliable Way to Spark Creativity
Tanner Christensen, Product Designer at Facebook on Inc.com

Creativity Quotes:

“If you want to be more creative, do something that involves an outcome you cannot safely predict; get uncomfortable.” – Tanner Christensen

“Creativity is as important as literacy.” – Sir Ken Robinson

“It’s not just about creativity, it is about the person you’re becoming while you’re creating.” – Charlie Peacock

“To be creative is to let little pieces of your heart go and place them into each project you make.” – Pat Bravo

“Art is when you hear a knocking from your soul and you answer.” – Terri Guillemets

“Stay loyal to your creativity because it’s a gift.” – Pharrell Williams

“The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.” – Dieter Uchtdorf

“I was created to create.” – Unknown

“Creativity is not a competition.” – Autumn Sky Hall

“Creativity is a habit. It’s not something that happens in the shower.” – Nick Law

“Creativity is not an option. It’s essential.” – Unknown

“Being creative is not a hobby – it is a way of life.” – Unknown

“Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.” – Brene Brown

“Creativity is contagious. Pass it on.” – Albert Einstein

If you already incorporate creativity into your life, keep on doing it. If you haven’t, give yourself a fabulous gift. You may be amazed!

I am just striving to be more me that I have ever been.

Living in a time when there is so much noise, how do we know what’s real and what’s trash?

Often I wish that the noise would go away. That everything would just be quiet. Between commercials, debates, news shows, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, what Kanye said last, who’s on the front row during Fashion Week, the important news from Inside Edition, and tons of dialogue on social media screaming – LOOK AT ME!!!… how can we even think?

But then, I think of all of the things I really want to tune into – thought-provoking interviews and conversations, good television shows, good books, great blogs, inspiration and spiritual guidance, and the “stuff” on social media that truly informs me or just makes me laugh out loud.

For years, I have encouraged women to use their voices – to speak up and to make a difference. To ask for help when they need it. To say NO when they need to and YES when it makes sense. To be part of the solution instead of the problem.

I’m thrilled when I see this happening – when I know I am witnessing the Real Deal and an authentic person. They don’t have to shout. They don’t have to be in my face constantly. They don’t have a need for you or me to see how important they are. They are just themselves and they are sharing from their heart and soul. And, I know it. Bet you do, too. What a gift.

Being authentic is not easy work. It’s something that takes practice and commitment. Author, speaker and researcher, Brene Brown describes it this way:

“Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choices to let our true selves be seen.”

So, let’s make a vow to be authentic. To make that conscious choice on a daily basis. To talk about what’s real.

And, where to start? I think this poem, Woman, talk, written by friend and business associate, Susan Bishop of Unlocked Box, for WomanTalk Live says it all:

Woman, talk.

Speak your passions and desires
out loud and loudly – all the time.
Like fire in your heart:
What you’ve never shared before, share now.

Talk about who you are.

Woman, talk.
Speak your regrets and despairs
without shame and apology – to anyone.
Like fire in a forest:
What you could not put out, put out now.

Talk about what you’ve overcome.

Woman, talk.
Speak your dreams and visions
intensely, ferociously – without shrinking.
Like a fiery desert mirage;
What you let burn, let burn brighter now.

Talk about where you’re going.

Woman, talk.
Speak your mind and truth
with boldness and courage – no matter what.
Like fire yet to blaze.
What you want to start, start now.

Talk about who you are becoming.

You ready? I am.

Let me know your thoughts on “being real.”

***

Artwork: Anything is Possible, by Melissa Harris

 “People say jump in with both feet, she said. Personally I like to jump in with one foot, so I have the other available for a quick getaway.”
– StoryPeople by Brian Andreas, writer and artist

Sometimes I move with whippet-like speed. Other times, the slowest sloth could beat me in a race.

What brings out the whippet? Doing something I am 100% absolutely sure and excited about. No fear. No doubts. I am ready to GO! The times when I’ve felt this way? Leaving a small investment firm in Houston to join a well respected organization in that big city; making the decision to leave Houston several years later and move back east; leaving my corporate position several years after that move; saying “YES” to Bob; and moving to Vermont. All of these things excited me and spurred me on.

There were, however, times I was really looking forward to an anticipated change but moved like a sloth. Why was that? Because even though a change needed to be made and I knew it – the “divine discontent” had set in and was making itself known daily – there was still something I was holding onto. Maybe because of familiarity. Maybe because I was scared to take that final leap. Whatever the reason, I held on tight. I wasn’t sure the safety net would be there if I took that leap.

What’s strange is that these are all changes I wanted to make. They weren’t changes being forced on me as a result of happenstances that could upend my life. I’ve talked with plenty of women who were forced to make major life changes as a result of a health challenge, death of a spouse or other close family member, divorce, being let go from a job, and so on. These changes can often come up quickly and one is forced to move into action whether they feel ready or not.

So, what’s up with dragging my heels on changes I want to make? I’ve decided it’s the fear of letting go of the past even though it doesn’t “fit” any more. It’s as if I let go, then it’s gone for good. No one will remember. No one will care. And, I’ll have to be or do something else – like I have to prove myself all over again.

And then, wait a minute… like a big huge #wtf moment… “Are you nuts?, “ I say to myself. “One of the things you’ve always loved about making some drastic changes is that YOU get to be YOU – to slap on a fresh coat of paint or a new lipstick or a new way of living and try it out. YOU get to stretch and peer around the next curve in the road to see what happens. It’s all YOUR CHOICE!”

And then, I saw this quote:

“I don’t have anything to prove to anybody, which is a lovely place to be.”
– Edward Norton

And, that was enough of a push to make me make a move that I had put off for a year and a half – ever since we moved to Vermont.

This is going to sound so silly to some of you – maybe to all of you – but, it felt like a big deal to me. I needed to take down my old website – the one with all the stuff about my radio shows for seven years, sponsor articles, podcasts (which the old radio station silenced in the summer of 2014]. They weren’t relevant anymore and all of that info took up most of my website. They were the past – just like my twenty years of corporate work and my years of workshops and retreats. But, just like leaving my corporate job and corner office, letting go of all of that info was tough for me. But, when I saw that Edward Norton quote, it smacked me right in the face. At this time of my life – I do get to choose and there’s no proving to be done.

So, as of last week, the WomanTalk Live website has changed over to a blog where I’ll continue to share what’s On My Mind, along with informative guest articles, WomanTalk Live 5 features, Zen Frog Speaks, and announcements about the soon to be shared new version of the Girls Gone Great Scholarship Essay Contest. Still conscious conversations – only in written form. And, if you like, you can subscribe to receive new blog postings by email – find that in the right sidebar.

So, one more leap done. However, life being life, I’m sure there will be more showing up. My strategy – Just roll with ‘em.

Ok, your turn. How easy do you make changes? What process do you go through? When do you know it’s time to get it done? I know your thoughts and wisdom will give some strength to others.

“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.”
– Steve Maraboli

****

Artwork: Daybreak by Bruce Holwerda

At various times in my life, I’ve participated in spiritual services and traditions – perhaps, a manner of seeking and trying to find what touches my heart and what, ultimately, opens my heart. Curious about beliefs and practices, I’ve ended up adding some of the things I’ve learned to my own personal practice to help ground myself, feel more compassion, and be open to the gifts of the universe.

As I return from a Hebrew Chanting Circle today, I am very much aware of how at peace I feel. A simple hour out of my day to gather with a group of women and combine our voices to create a very special energy makes a big difference.

For those who have never done chanting, according to The Magic of Hebrew Chant: Healing the Spirit, Transforming the Mind, Deepening Love by Rabbi Shefa Gold, a chant is “a few short words – repeated with passion and intention – that can unlock treasure upon treasure of healing, wisdom and love.”

Even though we meet at the local temple in Woodstock, out of a group of 7-10 women, only three of them are Jewish. I am married to a non-practicing Jew so that’s the closet I get to being Jewish. The rest of the women are coming for spiritual community and to create peace that goes inward and radiates outward.

When I was invited to join the group, I said “yes” because I am in to saying “yes” to new things. Just try it, Ann. So, I did. And, just as I found with Buddhist, Hindu, and Native American practices – there was a peace and joy that filled me. So much alike no matter what the flavor. So full of beauty and love.

The chants we are using come from Rabbi Shefa Gold, who is a leader in ALEPH: the Alliance for Jewish Renewal. According to her website, “she composes and perform spiritual music, has produced ten albums, and her liturgies have been published in several new prayerbooks.”

After reading more, I realized why Rabbi Shefa’s chants and practices were touching me so. Her bio goes on to say that “By combining her grounding in Judaism with a background in Buddhist, Christian, Islamic, and Native American spiritual traditions, Rabbi Shefa is uniquely qualified as a spiritual bridge celebrating the shared path of devotion.” She teaches the meditative practice of chant that “fully engages the body, heart, and mind, and facilitates healing and expansion of consciousness.”

So, in a world full of arguments about who is right and who is wrong, who can worship this or that, what team should win the Super Bowl, what somebody should have done, and so on and so forth… spending an hour of my day today with a group of women who are celebrating our likenesses versus our differences, our desire to bring together rather than pull apart… was a blessing.

So, if your days are way too full, if you can’t get away from technology, if work is something you do for more hours than you care to and you aren’t sure what a day off looks like… I want to encourage you to stop and take some time. Do whatever it is that helps you settle within and comfort yourself. Whatever you need to return to will reap the rewards of your break and, so will you.

Check out one of my favorite chants – Gratefulness: Odach. Let the vibration work its magic and then quietly sit with eyes closed, focused on your heart.

Just do it. And even if you never do a Hebrew chant again or need to find another practice, then do that.

But, do something for you that helps you communicate with your soul. Wow, you’ll see – it could change the world.

“Chant is a path for all of us who lead with our hearts, who are determined to seek out the truth that is buried deep beneath the ground of our lives, and who have made a commitment to live that truth, from moment to moment, breath to breath,
‘one little bit at a time.’”
—from the Introduction of The Magic of Hebrew Chant by Rabbi Shefa Gold

There are times when I didn’t think we’d make it past the first year or the second year or the third year or the tenth year.

There were times I wanted to run away from him or change the locks on the door when he went to the gym.

There were times when he said, “I am not the enemy.” But, I didn’t believe him because he felt like the enemy to me.

There were times when I felt I couldn’t do anything right to measure up to what I thought he expected of me, and there were times, I know, when he couldn’t do anything right, either.

Those times went on for much too long. It’s as if we waited so long to find each other and fell hard and fast… and, then, began to pick each other apart. Bit by bit. Day by day and year by year.

I’m not sure when there was a turnaround and if anything in particular precipitated it. Maybe we were just tired of being cross with each other. Maybe we were tired of having our BFF always be someone other than ourselves for each other.

But, we both changed and our relationship changed.

He actually was better with me when a long-term girlfriend relationship I had ended. He wasn’t jealous of the relationship, but from his vantage point, he felt as if I was constantly being taken advantage of. Maybe that made me seem weak with no backbone. He may have been right. I was beginning to feel that way, too.

I started to change when I felt appreciated. It made a huge difference. Doesn’t that make a difference to all of us?

And, now today, not only are we celebrating Groundhog’s Day, we are celebrating out twenty-first anniversary – not of wedded bliss, but of a real relationship revolution and evolution. And, it all feels complete.

I recently saw this writing by my friend, Terri St. Cloud of bone sigh arts. When I read it, tears welled up in my eyes. Why hadn’t we taken THIS vow when we got married back in 1995?

I ordered the print from Terri right away and it came just in time for me to share it with Bob. I told him, I’m taking this vow now – wish I’d been smarter years ago, but maybe this is what we both had to learn – to grow into. So thanks, Terri, for putting into words exactly what I needed to say:

“i will be mindful of the act of loving you
every day of my life.
i will not take you for granted,
but will keep my eyes open to the treasure
that you are,
allowing room for your individuality and
your own uniqueness.
i will not try to bend you to my ways,
but rather open myself to your ways as
being part of who you are.
i will embrace all of you.
the dark parts along with the light.
because, together, those parts create
the being that i love.
i will accept you,
respect you and admire you.
and if something comes between us
to make me stumble with this,
i will go to you and ask your help
with my struggle.
i will bring my challenges to you,
looking for your thoughts and support
and i will return that support to you freely.
when i’m hurt, i will believe in your love
for me, i will bring you my hurt, and together we
will grow from it and then put it aside.
i will share all of myself with you,
for i know to receive your entire heart,
you must have mine.
together, we will work,
we will play,
we will laugh,
we will grieve,
and we will find our way.
together we will live gratitude
together we will touch love.”

—Terri St. Cloud, a vow to my partner, bone sigh arts

Wishing you the best, the most love and healing you need in your life right now. I can almost promise you that if you go to Terri’s site, she’s already designed your feeling. She’s just like that.