On My Mind: I Just Need Some Space

“I just need some space.”

Ever said that?  Ever had someone say it to you?  It’s amazing the reaction those five little words can elicit.

According to Lori and Bob Hollander of Relationships Work… “Conventional wisdom has it this is a man’s line, but we have seen many women who ‘need space’ too. What does this really mean, that your partner wants to get away from you? Literally speaking, yes. But most often it just means that he/she needs to reclaim his/her individuality and get back to himself/herself.”

I am one of those women.  I need S P A C E.  And, with Bob and I both working from home 95% of the time, we both need it.  However, I think I need it even more than he does.  Often, this can be taken care of with meetings away from my office, book club groups, dinner out with my girlfriends, a solitary bike ride or walk, or just sitting out on the patio with a good book.

I have a friend who married right out of college and just happens to be married to the same man.  They have raised three kids together, been through a lot, and adore each other.  Yet, if he says he needs some S P A C E, she thinks he’s having an affair or that he’s losing interest.

We’ve had lonnnngggg discussions about this and have analyzed why she has the feeling of fear around these five words.  And, after devoting a huge portion of her adult life to her family and raising the kids, now that they are leaving the nest, her husband has become her sole emotional support system.  He clearly loves her, but that can be a big load to carry.

My friend gets it.  She’s starting to understand that this is HER time to expand, develop some new interests, spend time with friends and have some S P A C E.  And, now when her husband says he needs to play golf, meet some friends for a beer or go bike riding alone, she’s understanding why.  And, the coming back together feels even better than the clinging on.

This morning, Bob left to go to Philadelphia to meet up with some friends.  He’ll be gone most of the day.  My reaction?  WHEE HAW!  Not only do I get my S P A C E and the quietness I am needing right now, he’s getting some S P A C E and time to reconnect with his buddies.  Win win.

The perfect relationship to me is described by Jerry Seinfeld and it applies to me, too:

“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.”

And, remember to add the love and all that goes with that.

What about you?  How do you create S P A C E?