On My Mind: What We Believe – How We Live

In the private Facebook group, Conscious Conversations Café, I find we often have some deep, open, honest and heartfelt conversations going on between women from all over the world who come from different backgrounds and experiences.  And, regardless of the topic, everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and allowing others to share their own.

Last night after listening to more about Paula Deen than I care to keep hearing about, I posted the following question:

Interested in your thoughts on all the Paula Deen buzz….

• Is she just reflecting a time/place where she grew up and is that ok?
• Is she responsible for what goes on in her business?
• Should her publicist/attorney/business manager done more BEFORE?
• Should endorsements be pulled?
• When you heard the story, if you were a Paula fan, did it affect the way you feel?

This New YorkTimes article, “Paula Deen Loses Major Endorsement Deal”, gives a good synopsis of the story.

Well, immediately the comments started coming in from members in the U.S. and those as far away as South Africa sharing their thoughts, their dismay, their anger – those who have suffered discrimination first-hand, those who have lived with racism all of their lives, and those who are angry that this is still happening.

Later in the thread, I shared a post from The Root titled “Paula Deen and Serena – 2 of a Kind?”.    Well, that certainly stirred the pot.  Many were incensed with the comparison of Paula Deen’s years of bad behavior and Serena’s derogatory remarks about the Steubenville rape victim.  I actually had put the two together in my mind as the news broke with Paula.  Two powerful women in the spotlight for saying/doing things that are hurtful to many.  Sure, men do it all the time, too.  But, that’s not the story.

So, after I had time to digest all the comments, different perspectives and sleep on it, this is what came out:

I am so grateful for all of the open, honest and heartfelt comments here…. it seems like over the past weeks/months/years, we have been confronted with so many stories that take our legs out from under us and force us to confront so many things.

First and foremost, I have never been a Paula Deen fan and not because of where she comes from and or the fact that she has a southern accent – I do, too! I got TOTALLY turned off by her for sharing unhealthy food to millions of people who are obese or will be obese if they choose her style of cooking, and then selling out for millions of dollars in endorsement money to be a spokesman for a big pharma diabetes medication… while STILL dishing out unhealthy food. I wrote her off then.

Then, all of the racism came up and I watched her backpedaling and just getting in deeper and there is so much wrong about the whole situation that perpetuates years of hatred. It breaks my heart.  I was born in the south during the same era and I lived in the same circumstances as she did. There was overt racism. The public schools in Prince Edward County, VA shut down for 6+ years and the area is well known in the history books for the injustice that happened there.

When I was in high school, I knew it wasn’t right.  And thank God, when I went to college, I woke up because of being exposed to another set of beliefs that I could choose to take on.  And, I did. What I learned is that not everything we are taught is the TRUTH.

After living in so many major cities with my job in corporate America for 20 years, I know that racism of some form or other exists everywhere, not just in the south and it is painful to observe in any form or fashion – against races, genders, age, disabilities, etc. – anything or anybody. So, Paula’s story cuts deep in me on so many levels. In one way, I am glad it’s come up, because once again, it is in our face and encourages conversation and action.

As far as the comparison to Serena’s totally insensitive remarks… my perspective on reading the article was not to say anything about how their remarks compared to each other or which situation is worse. They are both intolerable as far as I’m concerned. Serena, in my opinion is the best women’s tennis player out there. However, from where I come from as a sexual assault survivor and advocate, when someone, especially another woman, makes victim blaming remarks, it’s too much for me.

When I heard Paula’s story and thought about Serena, it was in the context that here are two successful, powerful women with a big audience… and, look how they’ve squandered that “power.”  Look what issues they still have to deal with.

Hopefully, this will be a way for both of these women to do some serious healing, and who knows, do some serious work in the future.

All of us have so many experiences that shape the way we respond to things and what our feelings are. I so honor every one of your remarks and hope that in conversations like this and in groups like this, we can pull together and send lots more light and love out into our communities and our world. Loving you all.

Although this continues to sadden me, I know another story will come along that will bring it up in our face again.  And, then there will be the stories that depict how far we’ve come and how people are supporting each other.  They are the ones I want to dwell on because I know they are out there and I see evidence of acceptance, support and love every day.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts and if you’re on Facebook and would like to be a part of the Conscious Conversations Café Group, just sent me a request.  We’d love to have your thoughtful self with us.