“People say jump in with both feet, she said. Personally I like to jump in with one foot, so I have the other available for a quick getaway.”
– StoryPeople by Brian Andreas, writer and artist
Sometimes I move with whippet-like speed. Other times, the slowest sloth could beat me in a race.
What brings out the whippet? Doing something I am 100% absolutely sure and excited about. No fear. No doubts. I am ready to GO! The times when I’ve felt this way? Leaving a small investment firm in Houston to join a well respected organization in that big city; making the decision to leave Houston several years later and move back east; leaving my corporate position several years after that move; saying “YES” to Bob; and moving to Vermont. All of these things excited me and spurred me on.
There were, however, times I was really looking forward to an anticipated change but moved like a sloth. Why was that? Because even though a change needed to be made and I knew it – the “divine discontent” had set in and was making itself known daily – there was still something I was holding onto. Maybe because of familiarity. Maybe because I was scared to take that final leap. Whatever the reason, I held on tight. I wasn’t sure the safety net would be there if I took that leap.
What’s strange is that these are all changes I wanted to make. They weren’t changes being forced on me as a result of happenstances that could upend my life. I’ve talked with plenty of women who were forced to make major life changes as a result of a health challenge, death of a spouse or other close family member, divorce, being let go from a job, and so on. These changes can often come up quickly and one is forced to move into action whether they feel ready or not.
So, what’s up with dragging my heels on changes I want to make? I’ve decided it’s the fear of letting go of the past even though it doesn’t “fit” any more. It’s as if I let go, then it’s gone for good. No one will remember. No one will care. And, I’ll have to be or do something else – like I have to prove myself all over again.
And then, wait a minute… like a big huge #wtf moment… “Are you nuts?, “ I say to myself. “One of the things you’ve always loved about making some drastic changes is that YOU get to be YOU – to slap on a fresh coat of paint or a new lipstick or a new way of living and try it out. YOU get to stretch and peer around the next curve in the road to see what happens. It’s all YOUR CHOICE!”
And then, I saw this quote:
“I don’t have anything to prove to anybody, which is a lovely place to be.”
– Edward Norton
And, that was enough of a push to make me make a move that I had put off for a year and a half – ever since we moved to Vermont.
This is going to sound so silly to some of you – maybe to all of you – but, it felt like a big deal to me. I needed to take down my old website – the one with all the stuff about my radio shows for seven years, sponsor articles, podcasts (which the old radio station silenced in the summer of 2014]. They weren’t relevant anymore and all of that info took up most of my website. They were the past – just like my twenty years of corporate work and my years of workshops and retreats. But, just like leaving my corporate job and corner office, letting go of all of that info was tough for me. But, when I saw that Edward Norton quote, it smacked me right in the face. At this time of my life – I do get to choose and there’s no proving to be done.
So, as of last week, the WomanTalk Live website has changed over to a blog where I’ll continue to share what’s On My Mind, along with informative guest articles, WomanTalk Live 5 features, Zen Frog Speaks, and announcements about the soon to be shared new version of the Girls Gone Great Scholarship Essay Contest. Still conscious conversations – only in written form. And, if you like, you can subscribe to receive new blog postings by email – find that in the right sidebar.
So, one more leap done. However, life being life, I’m sure there will be more showing up. My strategy – Just roll with ‘em.
Ok, your turn. How easy do you make changes? What process do you go through? When do you know it’s time to get it done? I know your thoughts and wisdom will give some strength to others.
“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.”
– Steve Maraboli
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Artwork: Daybreak by Bruce Holwerda
Congratulations on your new site and new format, Ann!
This is a “thanks I needed that” post for me. I am wanting to make a big change in my life this year and I am approaching it in an atypical way. I have usually honed in on a change I want to make and then move heaven and earth to achieve it.
This year’s change is quite different. I am doing a lot of clinging to what I know, backtracking on already made decisions, bargaining with myself that maybe I can just stick it out a little longer. Rather than moving heaven and earth I am leaving drag marks in the dirt.
My wise sister – with whom I share everything – told me that I remind her of something Dr. Wayne Dyer once said – that people cling to the boulder of what no longer works in their lives even as it is hurtling down into the abyss. (A rough paraphrase) Another “thanks I needed that moment”.
“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.”
OK – will do.
Letting go of boulder…
Oh, Kate… I know that feeling so well. Here we both are – pretty smart, ok… really smart women. But, these emotional ties can do us in. I love that Wayne Dyer quote your sis shared with you – it really paints a picture of what I was feeling and what you’re feeling now. I have a feeling you’re ready to move… AND wishing you the best and that you make the changes with ease and grace. I’m rooting for you!
Thanks so much, Ann!
BTW, right after I wrote my comment, I went to play a new game of Word with Friends. The 7 letters I got spelled RETIRES. I had to laugh! Ah Universe, I love your sense of humor.
It doesn’t get much better than that… THAT’s a SIGN!!!
Again and again, as I work with self-compassion, I am reminded that we must let go of who we were in order to be who we are. For some reason, we seem to feel that the letting go is a loss — we are unsure who we will be without who we were. But, and this is the key I have finally come to realize, letting go does not mean giving up the lessons and the learning and the essence of who we were.
We bring her with us, to contribute what her lessons have taught her to the emergence of our new self. As we grow in self-acceptance, we can see her more clearly, and we can choose what we wish to bring into our new self and what we will leave behind. The gift of self-compassion is that that allows us to do so much more than change, it allows us to transcend.
You are still you. Being — Becoming — Blossoming.
I love your beautiful new blog and this beautiful evolving you, dear friend.
Kat, you are spot on… it is all about self-compassion and how we choose to move forward. All of those previous incarnations are still a part of me – I just get to pick what shows up now as a result. Always grateful to you for your wisdom and support. Love you!
Fortunately, we have a smorgasbord of choices from our past lives from which to choose! And the wisdom and support works both ways — I learn much from you, dear friend.
You are exactly right…Glad we can be here for each other.
Much like you; I move at the pace of a sloth (as you put it). I am very methodical before bringing forward what I know will be a big change / commitment. It took me a couple of years before I accepted my husbands proposal of marriage. I feel blessed that he was so patient. For me, it was a step I will not retract from ever. This is the promise I made myself long before my husband having been married once before; the pain was too much to bare again.
As to much smaller or should I say, something that requires me to accept something new / different, still I tend to be methodical. I like to think of myself as someone that is sure footed but maybe I am just cautious about the what new change might bring my way. I don’t think I have missed the dance but maybe a few notes.
Nothing wrong with being sure footed, Kat. It sounds like it serves you well.