On My Mind: Not Buying It

I was all set to be somewhat brief this week as I’m getting ready for my mother’s memorial service and there are so many other things on my mind.  And, then something got my attention.  Just like one of those bright, shiny objects.

I was scrolling through Twitter and saw a tweet from a guy who is a relationship coach, and this is what it said:  “Ladies: If your best friend isn’t your boyfriend, he should be promoted! If your boyfriend isn’t your best friend, he should be demoted.”

I have to be honest here.  In my 20’s and 30’s, I would have accepted this as the gospel.  And, if a guy was saying it, then it must really be true.  Boy, have things changed for me since then, and for lots of women I talk with.

I responded to his tweet and said, “respectfully disagree… BFF girlfriends are so impt AND considering ur boyfriend a friend is impt too – 2 TOTALLY different things though.”  I didn’t hear back from him and don’t expect to.  When I looked at the other platitudes he was handing out, we could have had discussions about all sorts of things.  So, better that he didn’t.

I guess what got under my skin was the fact that it sounded like if a man was in your life, he better fulfill all your needs.  I get where he’s coming from.  It’s important for the man in your life to be your friend, too, as well as your partner, your lover, your cheerleader, your co-parent, your tennis partner, your dishwasher, your cook, etc.

And, he may even be your best friend.  But, there is something extra special fabulous about a BFF girlfriend.  And, most of the women I know understand exactly what I’m talking about.  You’ll tell your BFF girlfriend things and talk with her about stuff you won’t with your partner.  Why?  It’s just a different type of communication and 99.999% of the time, she just “gets” it.   There’s a different type of intimacy with your girlfriends and that friendship and support is so important for healthy living.  It’s a real treasure.

Does that mean you kick your partner to the curb?  Nooooo.  You build on that love and friendship and work toward creating what Lori and Bob Hollander, the WomanTalk Live Relationship Experts, call an “extraordinary relationship.”

News Flash…. you can have both.  And, if either one tells you that you can’t… well, that’s another discussion we need to have.

Love on.